The following are actual student excuses...

I am emailing you to let you know that due to bad weather I do not have an Internet connection so I cannot complete my work this week
hi Dr. Courts, My girlfriend is having her baby right now and i was wondering if i could have an extension on my assignments til monday at midnight? It would be greatly appreciated.
I am writing to tell you that I didn’t turn in my work this week because I am grieving the death of my hamster, Toby.
I am sorry I missed your call but my dog dropped the phone in the swimming pool.
These two gals with the same last name posted the exact same post. Gal #1 says that she did it first and that Gal #2 is her ex sister in law. Gal #2 says it was Gal #1 and that she can prove she is a cheater b/c she slept with at least 10 guys when she was married to her brother.
There are twins in one class Lashanda (with and h) and Lasanda (no h) Well Lashanda said she thought she posted all the discussion posts last week b/c she thought she saw her name but then realized it was her sister.
Eccentric course week.
The short week has placed be in a difficult predicament. I have struggled to process these last 3 chapters.Furthermore I fear The eccentric nature of the offset regiment has inflicted a irreversible detriment to my GPA . Could I be entitled to some dispensation in area of this matter?
“I sorry my paper late but I had to rush my 5th wife to hospital. It been a ruff week but I look forward putting what I learned to my teaching career”
I am sorry for turning this in late. My house was infested with fleas and it was not easy getting to a computer.
Hello my name is Marla Neff . I am 34 years old . I live in Athens Ohio where I was born raised . Well my life been ruff from the get go when I was almost 18 my father died . About one month later I meet the man of my dreams he asked me marry him and I moved in with him that week. After a few months my mother got really sick and was put in the hospital in Columbus Ohio. I ended up with my little sister and brother moving in with us . They where nine and eight. It was very hard because we where just live on his income that was not a lot of money so I had to go to work . I work 2 jobs for very long time. I did not wont to take away my mother money she need it to pay the bills at her place. When we just about had them raised my older bother got married and had a baby that they did not won’t because it was a little girl . We she was three days old they brought to my house and drop her off and did not tell anyone that she was even there. We had her for 11and half months and they came back got her and sold her for 3 thousands of dollars. We got remarried on my birthday this month every thing going well.
I unexpectedly replaced my wife this weekend and am requesting an extension on my assignment.
I was just released from Utah County Jail today, I have been there since Wen. can I please have an extension on my homework that is due.
From a student who had to write a one-two page paper:
Double spacing this stuff took forever. I am trying to get as many points as I can. Please tell me there is an easier way?
89% plagiarized ... his excuse... Last week that assignment I did purposly copy information because I thought we were just gathering information for the assignment it didn't say that we had to write it in our own words I think a zero for the assignment is a bit extreme. It didn't say in the description we couldn't copy things. For the project obviously I was planning on writing it all out in my own words but I thought this was just agathering info from websites. I did cite everything just in case though so I don't understand what I did wrong?
I am asking if I can please submit my assessment late. A day before the assignment was due I got bitten badly from a centipede.
I have been having some very difficult times in the past couple of weeks. I was held at gun point while my clothes were taken from me. This was a very stressful time for me and as you can tell I could not complete some assignments on time.
I am sending you this message to inform you that I just delivered a baby girl and I am still under medication right now so I would be turning week 3 assignment a bit late.
The product I am thinking of is for more for men. It is a absorbent, removable pad that is put in the slotted area of the underwear. It is for after a man goes to the bathroom and that additional leakage that happens afterwards, this would stop the stains from happening. What do you think of these ideas?
Professor Courts. Hello my name is ______, and I wanted to inform you that this is the 3rd time I have taken this class. I also wanted to let you know that my mom's kitchen caught on fire when I was cooking, so I have been staying in Roanoke VA to help her clean up the mess. Please bare with me.
Please accept and grade the two assignments I turned in late. I had my car impounded last week and my dog was in it. This situatiuon increased the drama in my life significantly and put constraints on my time. Thanks for your patience.

Finance class homework question... If you had $2000 to invest in a corporate bond, what company bond would you purchase?

Answer: I am taking my wife on an oryx hunt next year and the only money I have, I need to spend on this hunt in order to process the meat and mount the head if we get lucky. A full shoulder mount cost about $2,000 so I need to save my cash for next year.
Hello one of my sisters stab herself in the head and I am trying to find out what hospital that they took her to. So the Phase 3 IP is going to late. I am so sorry about that.
Remembering my best salesperson is quite easy. I received a telephone call from a telemarketer who then asked me about if I wanted to continue my education, I said “yes” and then I encountered Mr. Eric Brown a representative at South University. I was completely mesmerized by his selling technique, he had me saying yes to all of his questions. I would never forget that experience because it was orgasmic. Inessential to say, I signed up with South University right then and there. It’s like Erick had mind control over me, I was in total bliss whenever I heard his voice.
I'm going to stop procrastinating and write this paper. I have downloaded the materials 2x and both times it read like instructions on how to build a nuclear device in Pakistani that was then translated by one of the guys who built the space ship in star trek while working with Dr. Spock..
I honestly don't think there should be strict due dates. I am taking online classes for a reason and that reason is because of time. I don't always have time to complete everything on the due date.
Professor, I fell asleep while I was taking my quiz and my head hit the keyboard so the answers I submitted weren’t really mine.

Dear Student, your head's answers count as your own.

 
 

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FedEx Humor - http://themetapicture.com/mechanic-win/